“And then what happened?” I asked, hanging onto every word as she painted a picture of friendships so deep, so full of life, even though they had faded nearly six decades ago.
“Marriage. Children. Husband. That became our world. None of us had time for friends.”
There was a quiet sadness in her voice, a disappointment that lingered beneath the weight of her words. I was speaking with Zee Aunty, an octogenarian whose memoir I was helping shape. We had been reminiscing about her college days, a time when friendships were everything—stolen moments over golas, long evening walks, endless conversations about fictional heroes, and giggles that made the world feel lighter. But all those memories, so vivid and full of joy, ended with a sigh.
That moment stayed with me. I was half her age, yet I couldn’t name a single best friend of my own. When had I stopped having close women friendships? What had changed?
As I traced my own journey, I began to see it clearly—the real reason behind it all.
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“She’s not like other girls.”
“Women can’t keep a secret.”
“I’ve always gotten along better with men.”
“Women are too dramatic.”
How many times have we heard these phrases? More importantly, how many times have we believed them? The idea that women are inherently competitive, emotionally exhausting, or simply “too much” for each other has been ingrained in us for generations. But have we ever stopped to ask why?
At its core, the discouragement of friendships among women is not accidental—it is a deliberate outcome of patriarchal conditioning. Strong bonds among women are a threat to the status quo, and history has repeatedly shown that when women come together, they create movements, demand change, and dismantle oppressive systems. So, naturally, the system ensures they remain divided.
Patriarchy Fears Women Who Stand Together
From childhood, girls are subtly pitted against each other. They are told to compete—for attention, for validation, for love. Whether it’s in fairy tales, mythology, or modern media, the “other woman” is almost always cast as a villain, an obstacle in the heroine’s journey. This rivalry is often centered around men—who gets the prince, who wins the hero’s affection, who is the most desirable.
Take, for example, Indian mythology. The story of Draupadi and Kunti in the Mahabharata is a classic case of how women are placed in difficult, competitive positions. Draupadi, the wife of the five Pandavas, often finds herself at odds with Kunti, her mother-in-law, over decisions that affect the entire family. Instead of being allies, they are forced into a hierarchical struggle for influence. Similarly, Kaikeyi and Kaushalya in Ramayana represent two women positioned as rivals, with Kaikeyi’s ambition to secure her son’s throne casting her as the “jealous woman” who disrupts harmony. The question remains—was she truly power-hungry, or was she simply playing the game in a system that forced women to vie for limited agency?
Fast forward to Bollywood, and the same trope continues. Films like Aitraaz (2004) or Judwaa 2 (2017) present women as adversaries fighting over the same man, reinforcing the idea that women’s friendships are inherently weak, driven by jealousy and insecurity. Even mainstream commercial hits like Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (1998) play into this narrative. Anjali, the tomboyish best friend, is suddenly seen as worthy of love only when she embraces traditional femininity, and Tina, the glamorous “ideal girl,” exists largely to be a contrast to Anjali. The film subtly suggests that women must conform to specific beauty standards to “win” a man’s heart, making women’s friendships a secondary concern.
Meanwhile, male friendships in Indian cinema are glorified as the ultimate bond—take Sholay’s Jai and Veeru, Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara’s Arjun, Kabir, and Imran, or even 3 Idiots’ Rancho, Farhan, and Raju. These friendships are celebrated for their depth, loyalty, and emotional resilience. They support each other through life’s struggles, push each other towards success, and—most importantly—are rarely shown competing for women attention in a way that damages their bond. Brotherhood is about power and unity, while sisterhood, as often depicted, is about fragility and betrayal.
Even in South Asian literature, women friendships are often overshadowed by romantic relationships. In many popular novels, from The Palace of Illusions by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni (which reimagines Draupadi’s life) to The Twentieth Wife by Indu Sundaresan, women are often depicted in isolation or in conflict with other women over power and love. Contrast this with the enduring male bonds in books like A Suitable Boy by Vikram Seth, where male camaraderie is written as an integral part of life.
Why does this happen? Because patriarchy thrives on isolation. If women distrust each other, they are less likely to confide in, support, or uplift one another. If they see each other as competition, they won’t join forces to demand equality. If they are convinced that male validation is the ultimate prize, they will spend their lives trying to be “different” from other women instead of recognizing their shared struggles. This is precisely why strong women friendships are so radical—they challenge an entire system designed to keep women apart.
It’s time to rewrite these narratives. We need more films like Pink (2016), which showcased women standing up for each other against a deeply patriarchal society, or books like The Henna Wars by Adiba Jaigirdar, where women friendships and queer love are celebrated rather than diminished. Because when women uplift each other, they do more than just form friendships—they build movements, rewrite history, and change the world.
How Women’s Friendships Are Undermined
- Romantic Love as the Ultimate Goal
Women are constantly fed the idea that romantic relationships should take priority over friendships. A woman who prioritizes her friends over a male partner is often seen as “immature” or “not serious enough about life.” But why is emotional intimacy with friends seen as lesser than intimacy with a romantic partner? - The ‘Not Like Other Girls’ Myth
Many women grow up believing that distancing themselves from other women makes them more desirable. But this notion isn’t about empowerment—it’s about reinforcing the idea that femininity is weak and that women bonds are not worth investing in. - Workplace Divide and Conquer
Professional environments often reinforce the idea that there is only “one seat at the table” for a woman. This fosters unnecessary competition instead of collaboration. The truth? Women don’t need to fight each other for scraps. They need to create more seats at the table together.
Reclaiming Women Friendships
The beauty of women friendships lies in their quiet yet radical defiance of a system that has long sought to keep women apart. They are not just relationships; they are sanctuaries—safe spaces where women can shed the weight of societal expectations and simply be. They offer a kind of emotional depth and resilience that is rarely found elsewhere, built on an unspoken understanding of shared struggles, joys, and survival.
Yet, for centuries, we’ve been fed the lie that women are each other’s worst enemies—that competition, jealousy, and pettiness define women relationships. This narrative has been reinforced through mythology, literature, and pop culture, making it seem almost natural to distrust or distance ourselves from one another. But the truth is, this division serves only one purpose: to keep women from realizing the power they hold when they come together.
It’s time to dismantle these myths and reclaim the strength of sisterhood. Women are not meant to stand alone, navigating a world that thrives on their isolation. When they build unbreakable bonds, amplify each other’s voices, and create communities of support, they become unstoppable forces of change. Every strong women friendship is an act of rebellion against a world that benefits from their silence. And the more we celebrate and nurture these connections, the closer we get to reshaping that world on our own terms.
And that is exactly what patriarchy fears the most.
About Namrata
Namrata is the editor of Kitaab, a South Asian literary magazine based in Singapore. Since 2018, she also runs a creative agency called Keemiya Creatives where she works with authors and publishing houses in different capacities. She is a published author who enjoys writing stories and think-pieces on travel, relationships, and gender. Namrata is also an independent editor and a book reviewer. Her writings can be found on various sites and magazines like the Asian Review of Books, Contemporary South Asia Journal of King’s College-London, Mad in Asia, The Friday Times, Daily Star, The Scroll, Feminism in India, The Brown Orient Journal, Inkspire Journal, Moonlight Journal, The Same, Chronic Pain India and Cafe Dissensus among others. Find her on Twitter: www.twitter.com/privytrifles
